Jana's workshop poem

Jana Alam

Its all about you

Thought I was home when I meet you,

Now I can’t go a second without you.

I am yours and you are mine.

We belong together, we were meant for each other.

When I first meet you I couldn't stop laughing because that's all you made me do is laugh and laugh.

“Do you remember the first time we meet?”

I bet you do,

Remember me walking into class.That new boy in school, I hear everyone talking about me and saying things like “oh who is that” and then there were you saying a nice thing about me. I overheard you talking to your friends about me saying I’m cute,

And boy was I happy that day!

I manned up and made the first move,

I was walking to you,

You saw me walking toward you from far.

Couldn't wipe that smile out of my face,

when I was looking into your beautiful light brown eye’s.

I said “do you want to walk to lunch with me”

You replied and said “Yes! I would love too!”

From that day on I meet a new friend and we will always be there for each other forever.

Ammar's journal 5

1st poem response: Dear Ma, by Jana

There was a few things I liked about this poem. Firstly, I liked how he incorporated much emotion into it. For example, he said how he was "crying" when his mom left and felt "calm" when she returned. I also liked how it was structured, the first stanza seemed to have more of a past/reminiscent feel to it, while the second stanza was about him growing up and his present day maturity. Finally, I really liked how the poem ended, I felt it provided great closure and had a nice conclusion feel to it. "I left home, but when I come back, I'll be there for you" wrapped the poem up quiet nicely.

2nd poem response: Dear you, by Remy

I really enjoyed this poem. It seemed like it was coming from a very genuine place and you could feel the emotion in Remy's reading. I really enjoyed how his reasoning for why the girl remained nameless in the poem, I found that to be extremely creative and it brought a unique feel to the poem because it, in a way, kept us guessing who he was talking about. I also liked his description of her smile, how it's "not ear to ear" but it's "subtle" that brought very good imagery to the poem. The final thing I'd like to comment on was the ending. The way he ended it was touching and you could feel the positive feelings he has for this girl. It had a very hopeful feel to it when he said "someday I hope I can share this with you". This made me feel the Remy someday hopes that things will work out in his favor and he can be with that person. This was a very relatable poem, because as young people I feel like we've all pursued someone that was with someone else.

YOURS_TRULY

Hi viewers

Due to my late arrival, I was unable to actively listen to each of the wonderful poems. This experience of performing our poems to the class varies from our normal workshops we have grown comfortable with. 

Not having a copy of the poets work, draws the audience in by grasping for every word. Once a word is spoken, we only have our memory to recall the vibrations emitted, nothing visual.

For this reason, I enjoyed this version of workshop. I found taking notes on the poems somewhat difficult, as I wanted to use my imagination and place myself into the world of the poem. Plus, writing with eyes closed does not produce legible handwriting.

To be honest, everyone has matured in this writing course. We all have our go-to bank of information and experiences we base our writings from, but the more ideas we express, the more in-depth we journey.

 

Dear Ola Ali

Ammar, you reeled me into your poem as if I were a fish. A dedication poem to your mother, inspired by a recent phone call while you sat in the basement with Jana pondering topics to write on. Dear Ola Ali, expresses your love for this special lady in your life. The use of experiences in your poem are well-ordered. The fact you brought the sense of smell made this repetition of smells that your mother has to put up with more reader relatable. Thank you.

 

Nature’s Reminder of Grushes’ Home at the Rock House in Hocking Hills Ohio in the spring of 1984

Jherek, The title you have chosen for this piece is epic. I had to hear it three times before I was able to write it all down. With a title such as this, your poem defiantly stood up to the greatness you entitled it. I was visually taken away, riding inside the vehicle as your father raced over the ledge, holding tight to the carpet as you did.  I played Indians with you and your brother in the forest and saw that giant rock structure. Lunch tasted awesome and your dad did take a lot of photos. You kept us hanging on even at the very end as your shoe laces dangle over that rocky cliff. Thank you.

Remy's Journal response 5

I really enjoyed writing this poem and getting the chance to share with everyone, it felt good to put thoughts into words. I also really enojoyed listening to everyone else's poems. Great job evreyone! They were all great and I liked all of them! So picking two to respond to is kind of hard.

First I would like to reply to Katie's poem "Watching the Sunrise" saying this poem was eloquent and full of color would be an understatement. This poem was so well done and it was bursting with color! I really liked the use of language to help paint the scene of the sunrise on Lake Eerie. There were so many great words used it was hard to scribble them all down, but the ones i caught were "kissing, crystalline, metamorphasis, fierece, piercing, stunning, reverant, orb, pomegranet, vibrant" The vocab was just as colorful as the description. The feeling I got from the poem was a happy, warm feeling because all i could think about was the warm glow of a sunrise. It really made me want to go to a beach or a coast to see a sunrise/sunset. Just the way she desecribed the sun coming out across the water. It sounds beautiful and one of those situations where a picture doesnt do it justice. WEll done Katie! Thanks for sharing!

The next poem I would like to respond to would be "Blonde Beauty" by Mr. David. I liked this poem, I've known David for awhile and I never heard this story! So it was fun hearing it, especially with the great description he used. I thought the language he used was very descriptive like the "blaring alarm, steamy bathroom, hazy wake up" all things that I've experienced and could imagine to help make the poem more relatable. This poem made me think of my wisdom teeth, which was nowhere near as bad as david's experience with his mouth surgery. But it made me a little queasy when he described the red rushing blood. Which was a good thing! It made the poem feel real! I thought the poem gave me a sense of light in a bad situation, cause he was getting his surgery, but there was a pretty assistant that he will always remember, which seems to block out the bad in the situation. Good poem buddy, hope you got her digits.

Journal Five

The first poem that really caught my eye was Coral's "Depression Speaks Light on the Tree". Personally I love all of Coral's poems and they always tend to hit home with me. She uses a language rather different from a lot of the other poems that I've seen. Coral uses christmas lights to explain her family members and certain emotions that she's feeling or that she notices around her. I feel as though using the christmas lights as a metaphor for emotions and people really allowed me to connect to the poem more. When Coral read this poem aloud I instantly had goosebumps. The thing I love about when she reads her poems is that she hold nothing back, she lets all of her emotion come through the poem and I believe it makes it so much more effective to the reader/listener. The meaning of the poem just showed the feelings that Coral had been going through with her depression. She used the color green to describe a coward, the color red to describe anger, and the color blue to describe weak. When I was listening I instantly was thrown back to times where I've felt depressed about certain things in my life and it almost made me come to an understanding that things like depression can happen to anyone and that it effects everyone in a different way.

The second poem that I really enjoyed with Tyson's poem. For the first half of the poem I though that Tyson was writing about his brother in law that is currently staying with him and his family because he mentioned it right before he read the poem. Once he got to the end and made it clear to the listeners that his poem was about Mr. Frost aka winter I understood everything so much better. Tyson's use of metaphors throughout his poem really astounded me. My favorite was when he compared winter to being "like a rose stem no pedals just pricks". I loved how he wrote about how adults hate him and kids are too young and innocent to not like him even though he makes them sick. It was a wonderful connection to what winter is because winter makes a lot of problems for adults whereas kids always wanna go out and play. Tyson's use of language was unique and friendly.

Brian's Journal 5 Review

One of the two piece I selected was Katie’s poem Sunrise.  The poem has a strong narrative that brings to life the beauty of nature, and exposes things in life that we miss with the chaos of everyday life.  Katie uses the color and mass to paint a backdrop for the reader to envision with things such as: “fierce flaming pink”, “the sun a solid orb”, and“a crystal on morning’s necklace”.  She may not give use a defined placement of where we are located, but she expresses all that surrounds her environment.  She use details, like “crushing softly on the jagged rocks”, “the old dock”, and “dawn somberly watches the sun go”.  This would clearly indicate an open area, not corrupted by city obstacles.  I can see that Katie has developed this piece over time, and that she has spent many hours crafting the majesty of her Sunrise.  

 

My second selection of class pieces is Jherek’s piece.  I found the use of description and detail to flow extremely well in this piece.  I feel that this poem indicates much of what Hugo meant when stating, you should write the poem for you.  Jherek takes a moment that he remembers from childhood and allows the reader in.  Jherek may remember a moment to moment detailed account of the events, but even if he edited for the readers purpose it spoke of reality.  He’s able to play with the environment that surrounds him placing the reader in the time and setting.  There is exceptional words play such as: “From the make shift Nikes”, “the size of Jumbo Jets that collided”, “ancient make shift stairs”, and “birds perch view”.  All of these lines giving a bit of reality or allowing movement and life to the characters in the piece.  The object of a long piece is to keep the reader’s interest and I feel that Jherek achieved this.

Maggie's Journal 5

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to all of the pieces that were read. However, I don't appear to be much of a multitasker and I spent most of my time watching the readers emotions instead of taking good notes. However, there were a couple poems that stood out to me.

The first poem was Ammar's piece "Dear Ola Ali", a let to his mother. I appreciated this piece perhaps more for the reason that it seemed original and creative rather than the same old piece about mom. He continued to specify that throughout the world there are seven billion people, but only one of those people could make him feel the way he does and call her his mother. I think that moreso than anything I liked this poem because of the feelings and the thoughts that it left me with. The lines "tolerated my wrong-doings" and especially "Time flew by. I grew up." really stood out to me. I think that as kids grow older we forget to show our parents how much we appreciate them and how much they really mean to us. Throughout all of the years that we have been alive on this planet, they have been making sacrifices and dealing with our irresponsibility- without much in return. I myself (or should I say my mother?) is a victim of this. When I began my teenage years I pushed everyone away but the last year or so I have really realized how much this woman means to me and I have absolutely no idea what I would do if I lost her. The final (?) line also stood out to me, "Today, a lot matters to me, but you definitely top that list".

The second poem that really stood out to me was Remy's "Dear You". I don't really know why, but I really liked this piece. Truthfully, I think I really liked the piece because of the way Remy read it. I think it's hard for most men to put to words how they feel, especially how much they care about a girl. I truly admired the words and emotions that Remy put into this piece. Watching him read he seemed to be full of excitement and hope - it was nice to see. Though I think many descriptive words of girls' seem to be cliché I think that Remy did a good job avoiding that and coming up with his own original descriptives (locks of golden honey). I think that the shyness that he reveals is something that is really valued in the piece (not naming the girl) and I liked that he explained why. Hope seemed to be a continuous theme throughout the piece, even when it revealed that the girl was taken he still had hope. The final  thing that really stood out to me and that I absolutely love was the way he signed the letter, "Signed Hopeful". I thought that was really clever and went along well with the poem and the theme.