Sam's Journal #5

Poem 1) for response.

Dear You by Remy

I really enjoyed this poem. Particularly the lines about this girl's smile and why he wanted to make her smile and laugh just so he could see it. I felt this was very real and something that a lot of guys totally in love with a girl would relate to. The emotions and feelings in the poem were things that I could really feel and felt very genuine within the poem. It made me remember how I felt when I was younger and I had hope about new relationships. There is a strong theme of hope in love throughout this poem, which I thoroughly enjoyed. There is a joyous happy sentiment about a girl present but in an original way. The speaker did a great job avoiding typical cliches associated with these sorts of poems. He came up with his own lines that made the emotion in this poem very real. I could tell that each of the lines were really thought out. I even felt bummed at the end hearing that this girl had a boyfriend, but what I had forgotten about young love, is the hope it still has that things may work out in it's favor, and the hope remained.

Poem 2) for response

Blonde Beauty by David

In this narrative poem the speaker takes us through oral surgery which seems to have become routine for him. We go with him waking up and getting ready for his day. In the bathroom the lights are bright and he's disoriented, but the warm shower is comforting. Later on in the poem he brings us back to this point referring to the Blonde beauty and how she makes him feel comfortable after this bummer of a dental procedure. Having had my own experience with getting my wisdom teeth removed- all of which were impacted- I related to the line about the anesthesia and hating the smell of it, going to sleep but it's not a good sleep and his waking, "freezing, dizzy and fuzzy." While there are these elements that are yucky about this trip they all seem over shadowed by the warmth of this blonde beauty. What I appreciated very much was his line saying, "it wasn't a crush... it just was." To me I read this as the woman just had a comforting presence, whether if it had to do with how she looked or specifically how she treated the speaker that made him just feel better, even if he did vomit blood and saliva in front of her.I can very much relate to the sort of sentiment that this poem embodies so well, capturing what seems like small moments of comfort or happiness, with an appreciation for just what they are. I loved this narrative poem.

Jherek Cummings Post On Podium Day. Yay!

Disclaimer: I am not sure if I am correct on any of this.

 It was hard to take note and remember everything too. 

Dear,

Poems and Poets at the Podium, I Will Not Forget. 4-8-2014. K-5

Brian`s poem , Letter To Self, was like a wake-up call to my-self. The seven deadly sins symbolized in the piece go well with Brian`s depth of darkness in his details. The imagery of a mother being buried in a cold December rain, in 1999, is a detail complementary to the depth of darkness in his details. Just to let you know that Brian also brings a hell/underworld into this piece by using words like Hades and brimstone. He uses the words “like” gluttony, greed, sloth, pride, envy, lust, and anger . . . highlights the seven deadly sins. What I walk away with, from this piece is I cannot blame others for where I have faltered and I need to make changes to deal with it.   

  

Sam`s poem, Dear Muse, is like living in the mind of a fun loving stalker who does not really love muse but needs to for a front, “holding back lying”, “hope live is known”, but it is a secret. And at the end closing, is a torturous bitch. I enjoy hearing Sam`s voice in class. She is so super cool. 

 

Flo`s letter poem had a sort of Cinderella-ish ending with a kiss at 12:00 at the New Year’s Eve party with a narrator that is in tears. The absence of love, rejection, and memorabilia, like the hoody, gave me the feeling that the narrator was a sort of hopeless romantic that in the end gets a kiss that brings tears. This kiss and tears could be that action that reflects the narrator’s story. I liked the use of “thunderstorm” as well. I like the quality that nature brings to a piece.   

  

Tyson`s, A Letter To Jack From Ohio, was an attack on what at first seemed to be a person named jack, but at the end I realized that “Jack” was short for “Jack-Frost” winter. It is like an anti-ode to the cold weather of Ohio. Interesting way to mind fuck a reader. I like it. 

Coral`s piece, Depression Speaks, Lights on the Tree, great use of symbolism with lights and metaphorically giving the lights human qualities which in the end are depressing to the narrator, because it is like the reminding lights of bad times. I agree with Mike, “she is brave”, and also with Brian, “It is not easy to do a personal piece”.  Coral`s piece is a reminder to me that I have good things going on in my life, like college and poetry, but there are lots of hardships in life that are hard to deal with and whatever triggers my depression can give me strength in a poem. 

Remi`s, Dear You, showed the shyness of the narrator. The description of her is kind of fun because she has eyes, hair and a smile of diamond moons, twinkle glass suns and locks of golden honey. The feelings the narrator gets from this girls is that she is powerful and gives a good vibe just like coffee and she is the “best thing ever”. The problem for the narrator is that he has not told her that he likes her because the narrator is rather to shy or the reason is that she is already in a relationship. The power of her cuteness in this piece is, what I believe, the main problem for the narrator to overcome. The piece was like golden honey in a sun glass of twinkling diamond moon with vibrations of cuteness. 

Ammar`s, mom letter, piece was cool for many reasons, but what stood out for me was the repetition of “seven billion people” and that the narrator only has one person out of all of those people that is the narrator`s mother. The mother sounds awesome in this piece with the provision by giving the narrator the needs like diapers, sleep, food and putting up with that narrator`s bad choices. I liked this piece and am glad at the end that the narrator appreciates mom. 

Jana`s, mom letter, piece had a nice story from a narrator`s memory of mom back in kindergarten on a first day when the narrator was scared and missed his mom and started to cry. The school called the narrator`s mom and she came there and calmed the cries. Then Jana takes a leap in time in the piece and tells the story of the time when the narrator was leaving mom and dad to go to college. I like the symmetry of tears as the mother cries and the narrator did in kindergarten. I do think that this is as well a letter to dad as briefly as dad is mentioned. The dad saying, “time to be a man”, is a powerful part in the piece. In the end I am left to wonder if the narrator`s mother will be comforted someday like she did for the narrator, but this time the narrator will have the strength of a man that he had become. College is not easy and if I were any of these poet`s parents, I would be quite proud. 

Maggie`s narrative piece was scary with the effect of revenge with a crowbar and the gurgle sound. I wondered about the person vs. materials subject in this piece. Was someone about to die and someone wanted the materials that were left? Did the narrator take the crowbar to a person with material interest or to a door or something to get the materials before they did? Was the “I have all I need from him” the act of carrying out the last wishes of the deceased? I do not know and that is what gave the piece some suspense. I liked the line “slate stone stairs”. I appreciate good alliteration.

  

Sarah`s narrative piece was another thriller with the car accident and the appreciation that the narrator has for life after surviving those seconds of what was wished to be “a bad dream” moment. I liked the imagery of nature with the river tears and the thoughts of being home. It makes me think about those moments I have experienced that could have been “the end”. 

David`s narrative piece was very detailed and I felt effects of synesthesia when listening to him at the podium. It is not that his diction was of colors like red, white and blue, but rather his words showed colors in the “movie of my mind”. For example, what do you see when you hear that cold then really hot shower? I see blue and red in my head. Clinic equaled white. And then there was the beauty.  The most distinctive of color, though, was “blond”. The “Blond beauty” was like an angel to the narrator and also disclaims any other love other than conditional and comforting love. This piece leaves me with the notion that both the narrator and the beauty are angels. Nice work.

Katie`s, “Sun Rise” piece was full of color like, orange pumpkin pink blobs in the sky of light blue. I loved the color and the location indications like “dock” and “Lake Erie”. The narration was very full circle as far as the details go, a “perfect breathtaking moment”. I wondered if the narrator watched every sunrise, every day. I really enjoyed the sunrise here in Katie`s piece. 

Sirk`s, “Unfinished Thoughts #2”, poem was cool, because he references Vivaldi. “Dear Summer” sounds like a good title, too. I was sorry not to get more of Sirk`s work into my earholes. I guess it is “wrong to loath for sleeping dreams of you with smiles you bring like joyous symphonies from school of birds like Vivaldi”, cool to see what was working in the piece. O, Yes, and I cannot forget to mention his use of nature in the piece. I like birds. 

I could not choose two poets. I hope I don`t get dinged for this! Joke! Thank all of you for sharing an experience in college poetry class this semester.  

P.S. Special thanks to Mike

For all the help in learning.

You are appreciated.  

Jana: Journal 5

The first poem I would like to start of talking about is Tyson's poem called "A Letter to Jack from Ohio". I knew I wasn't the only one who thought you were talking about a human being. See at first just like a the majority of us thought you were talking about a friend you hate so much or dad or just some person that you have so much hate for but little did I know that it ended up being for the snowman in Frozen. I think just like everyone in class did not see that coming right away. I loved how you were talking about a movie the whole time in a poem I think that is very impressive. You put so much feelings to it like it was a real person it sounded like you hated that Jack person and wanted him gone. So when I finally realized and that was in the end of the poem when you said it to go away and never come back referring it to the weather then I knew. Anyways great poem I thought it was genius how one person can talk about weather the whole time but make it seem like it was a person and the way you added so much hatred to it, that alone made the poem even more strong. I also would like to say yes I also believe that we all we are becoming better poets day by day.

Tyson: Journal 5

First I want to say that I really enjoyed the readings.  I feel that either; we have all grown as poets, or; something about standing in front of everyone and reading a piece brought out a better reading for most everyone.  Maybe a combination of both?  With that said, I enjoyed most of the pieces at the time and it is going to be hard to pick 2. Looking back I wish I had a copy of each of your poems because my notes and memory SUCKS and won't do any of them justice! 

Anyway, I think the first poem that really stood out to me was Sam's "Dear Muse".  The reading was done very well and a couple of the lines just popped.  "Foolish heart wrapped in a beautiful body".  I don't know why but that line sounded elegant as hell.  My 3 favorite aspects of the poem were;  the title.  Loved it.  Second, was the speakers signature.  "Your favorite torturous bitch".  That was punchy and a good closer to remember the poem by.  Lastly, at some point in the midst of the poem the lines about lying were so ear grabbing since the flow of the way they were read changed dramatically.  I lied... you know I lied...."

The next poem I feel might be easiest to talk about is "Unifinshed Thoughts". Maybe I have more written about this one because of the fact Chris read it out loud twice and that gave me a better opportunity to absorb it. Plus it was short.  Or maybe I just really want summer to be here?  Haha, either way, he starts it off talking directly to summer and begins listing things that are associated with summer.  Birds, "bright" smiles.  People do tend to smile more in the summer don't they? The remembering of something tied in with the "fragrance of summer" was effective as when I think of memories sometimes I think of smells.  This brought it to life early on.  On the second reading it was as if it was almost an entirely different poem.  I'm lost for why this is.  Chris, did you freestyle some of the words or change them in the second reading? 

I know I'm only supposed to do 2, but screw it I'm doing 3.  While I seem to fall into the camp of people that don't like emotional readings much, admittedly it feels a little awkward to me and is distracting, but I do totally 110% understand that when writing about something like death, depression, and things that hit home it is damn near impossible to hold back emotions. Call it a personal hang up of mine but I get distracted sometimes when emotions get too intense.  I think this would be the same for anger in a poem.  Recently I've seen a few slam poems where the speaker just goes ballistic!  Suddenly, I feel myself not paying attention to the poem but I'm focusing all of my attention on the face and body language of the reader.  Maybe I'm just weird for this?  But that's the blunt truth from my perspective.  But that isn't why I wanted to point out the poem.  Though I did miss a lot of the more emotional lines for the reasons stated above, I think the last line was phenomenal and one of the best endings to a poem we have seen yet.  I loved the way it was read, in a sigh, in a "all this stuff about the lights and what it supposed to be about but you know what, I never did like them..." That was pretty epic for me.  I caught a few lines in the beginning as well.  The talk of the colors of the lights not gaining or losing.  Molding peach.  Gray funnel cloud.  The personification and symbolism in this piece was palatable.  Thanks for sharing Coral. Mr. Lohre was right about you being brave, and I think most of us really appreciate that.

Katie: Journal 5

I'd like to start off by talking about Coral's poem, "Depression Speaks: Lights on the Tree."  There were many things I liked about this piece, but above all the bravery and chance it takes is commendable.  It captures this real, true human emotion that I think that we frequently just don't share with each other, or try to pretend doesn't exist.  The reading was absolutely incredible, and strong, not to mention emotional.  It gave me chills.  One of the things I liked was the way the colors of the Christmas tree lights were incorporated into the poem, where several times (maybe in each stanza?) they were compared to different things that upset the speaker.  Like "Dad is blue" or "Red like anger" and "Green is a coward."  There were more, but I didn't have them written down.  I enjoyed these comparisons because I wasn't sure how the title would tie in with the piece, but it turned out that it was beautifully combined.  This poem is just so strong.

Listening to this poem reminded me of times when I was in a similar state of mind, so it felt very relatable in that way.  You feel cynical and everything around you either reminds you of something that's a thorn in your side, or something you've done wrong.  So, in this case, even a Christmas tree can trigger the negative voices inside a person's mind.  The other thing I could really relate to was the repetition of, "It's all my fault," since that seems to be something that was said in my mind a lot when I'm in that mental state.  As for the story, I would guess that something has occurred, or is ongoing, that is bringing a great stress on the family.  It sounds like the father is responding with sadness, the mother with increased anxiety and the speaker with their depression, and feeling as though everything is their fault.  From the poem itself, I don't think I could tell specifically what had happened.  But I don't think I need to.  Because depression doesn't need an excuse to make you feel terrible--it's just going to do it anyway.  Since the poem is the depression speaking, I don't think the reason for the depression is all that necessary.  So to sum it all up: I really enjoyed this piece, and I love the way it was structured.

Secondly, I'd like to talk about Tyson's poem, "A Letter to Jack from Ohio," because I just couldn't get it out of my head.  The reading sounded very much like spoken word.  It also sounded really angry at first, but in the end it was kind of comical since at first I was expecting it to be to a real person, and then it wasn't.  Some words I had written down that I liked were "sting" and "inflict".  I liked the rhyme of "apple pies" with "decomposing flies" (which also was kind of funny because we'd already had two poems including the phrase).  I remember hearing "thorn in our side" a couple times, which adds to the collection of "i" sounds (pies, flies, side).  I don't remember how close these were to each other in the poem, but it still sounds nice. Another phrase I liked was "arbiter of inconvenience" just because it seemed very intelligent, like the speaker is smarter than Jack.  The last bit, "P.S. I think I speak for the entire Midwest." was just perfectly humorous.

So I spent the first part of this poem thinking that this Jack was a real person.  I couldn't help but think, "What a terrible person this Jack is.  Why doesn't he leave these poor people alone?" And then I had my suspicions later on, which were confirmed with the use of "Mr. Frost." Given this winter, I'm sure all of Ohio is perfectly happy to be rid of Jack and "no one will miss [him]".  So when I looked back, knowing who the poem was written to, I thought of it like it was the state of Ohio writing it, as if Ohio were a person.  So then I had to wonder who the wife and mother of Ohio was, metaphorically speaking.  I wondered if the mother was the U.S. in general, but as for the wife I'm drawing a bit of a blank.  A neighboring state?  Lake Eerie?  I don't know.  I suppose it doesn't really matter, I just found it fun to think about.  I loved the comical nature of this piece, and how it totally addresses this dumb winter we've had, and I especially love how it personifies the state and the winter itself.

Journal 5 - Coral

  Before I start the journal, I'd like to say thank you for reading my workshop poems and giving your input on them. I haven't been able to say that during the actual workshop, but I do appreciate your input and it'll help me make them better. I'd also like to thank you for listening to the poem I read out loud and I'm sorry I got emotional again. It came out of nowhere and I couldn't hold it down. But I thank you for being patient with me and trying to comprehend what I was trying to say in the poem. Anyway, I enjoyed all of your poems and I'm glad I was able to listen them. The two that I chose stuck to me because the first was able to make me laugh, and I like to laugh, and the second was able to make me smile because I realized if you find something that gives you peace, then you shouldn't be able to be afraid of anything, even surgery.

Tyson: "A Letter to Jack from Ohio"

I'm not going to lie: I totally thought you were writing about an actual person, Tyson. I thought it was like a family member (brother) or a "close" family friend or someone like that. Everyone else seemed to have gotten who you were talking about before me and I finally got it at the very end. I think it came when I heard "Frost" and it kind of clicked at that point. The details and scenarios you used to describe "Jack" were so realistic to me of a deadbeat douchebag you might know in your life and I was sitting there thinking, "Whoa, real talk right now... Dang." Didn't even cross my mind that you were talking about the weather. Very good job in shaping the weather into a person to fool me, Tyson. I very much liked your poem.

I agree with your feelings about this crazy winter we've had this year, Tyson. I just want it to be done and over, but it doesn't want to go apparently. Also, anytime I think about this winter, I think back to a few pictures on Facebook that has Elsa from Frozen being the culprit of the winter and some of those links said that it was Disney's way of advertising for Frozen. (Disney's World Domination Plan). I'm pretty sure you didn't think of that when you wrote the poem, but that's what your poem makes me think of. I think that idea's funny and I think your poem is funny.

David: "Blonde Beauty"

The word I thought about probably the whole time about your poem, David, was "stark." There are quite a few places in the poem that had pops of color and detail that worked, it's just the word that stuck in my mind. When I realized what the subject of the poem would be about, surgery, I thought of how straight and to-the-point surgery is and how in the environment there isn't much bright colors and bare minimum details that go with a hospital setting. In your poem there were points that got straight to the idea you were going for and kept the story moving forward and quickly and I think that's what I liked about your poem so much. I don't have specifics, but maybe in the beginning you were listing everything you did before you left would be an example. And it's why stark was stuck in my mind.

I relate to your poem in the sense of I know what it's like to have to go through surgery. And I'm sure my younger sister would relate as well. I don't know how many people go on with their lives and not have some kind of surgery done on them, but I think it can't be many. I'm glad you were able to find a sense of peace after your surgery with that blonde nurse. It must have made your recovery go a little smoother and faster having that peace with you. I do admit that I was smiling at the end of your poem because you weren't in terrible pain when you described the warm brightness you felt when you saw that nurse again. It makes me think that if someone can find their peace at the end, or even the beginning, of surgery, they won't be so afraid it.

Sarah's Journal 5

First, I'd like to thank everyone for just listening and letting me listen to you. It's a very simple thing, but it's often hard to come by. I enjoyed hearing everyone's poems. There were pieces and parts of them all that I liked and wrote down in my notes. However there were two poems that I found more relate able for me and my tastes. One of the things I like to read and write about is love, whether it ends well or not. That's no secret to you all. The hopeless romantic in me can't help it, I guess. This might be why I liked these two poems so much, and decided to respond to them.

So without further ado, I'd like to respond first, to Flow's poem, "Love in the past"
A lot of the lines in her poem rang true to me. We've all had relationships that don't work out, and they all seem to end the same way. With phrases along the lines of "I hope we can still be friends" or "stay in touch". I realize that these might not be exact quotes from her poem and I apologize. (I was still getting used to taking notes when she read the poem.) I believe the exact words were "You gave me hope I wouldn't be forgotten." The point being, we've all heard this or said this whether we meant it or not. because what's the alternative? "It's been fun, I never want to see you again."? However saying this gives someone false hope in a hopeless situation. (Which obviously, takes it's toll on the other person.)

Another thing I found relate able in her poem was her liking of the past love's hoodie. As a girlfriend, I think it's in the rule book that we have to steal at least one. Why? I don't know? Maybe the fact that it smells like him, it shows you belong to him, who knows? Whatever the case as to why we want one, when you're no longer with that person and you still have it in your possession, you cling to it. It keeps them there, in a way while you get closure. (At least from my perspective.) I guess, I liked this aspect or her poem a lot because it's nice to know I'm not crazy, and I'm not the only one that does this kind of thing.

The second poem I would like to respond to is "Dear You" by Remmy.
I'd first like to say that the imagery in this poem was fantastic. He made it so easy to picture her. (Blonde, green eyes, cute smile that's not ear to ear, but still cute). She sounds lovely. *I know everyone hates that word and sees it as a bad thing.. But I personally do not take it facetiously*. There was also a great deal of feeling in this poem. I didn't write down a lot of exact quotes but of the few that I did I liked the line "You're everything I want" Maybe it's because I'm sappy and I think it's really cute, or because I know what it feels like to feel that way and to have someone say that to me. I've used this word a lot but, it really is relate able.

The biggest thing I liked about his poem that stuck with me is that, it was a love letter. The long-hand, full of feeling, you'd wait by the mailbox to receive one, kind of love letter. I don't think there's enough of those anymore. We take handwritten sentiments for granted. With all of the technology that we have, it's considered time consuming to actually sit down and write on paper your feelings for someone. But he did it. He cares enough about this girl to do so. *Being a third party observer I really hope she get's the chance to read it. Whether his feelings are reciprocated by her or not, she'd love to read I'm sure.*

I'd once again like to thank everyone for your poems, your consideration, and your time. It's greatly appreciated.